Happiness beyond stereotypes: create your own definition of success

Interview with Tamara Markova @ The Revup Conference: Inspiring Leaders

On September 30th, 5 amazing speakers joined over 100 enthusiastic professionals at the Palace of Culture in Iasi to offer valuable insights into what it means to have the right perspective on leadership, success, happiness at work, and personal fulfillment.

However, their teachings did not stop there, as Tech Storyteller seized the opportunity and had the pleasure of continuing the discussions during a series of brief interviews which we will be sharing with you.

The first interview covers the discussion with Tamara Markova, who took the stage at the event and talked about mechanisms to increase our happiness at work.

Tamara is a corporate culture and happiness professional, also working as a psychologist in her private practice. She believes that we are so much more than our jobs but professional unhappiness can contaminate all other aspects of our lives. Tamara works with leaders, CEOs and founders on their personal happiness as well as helps them build workplace cultures where people feel happy to belong.

In a world full of expectations, where society still dictates what it means to be successful, people are starting to ask some fundamental questions: Can real happiness and success be defined by anyone other than myself? Is this what I truly want to do?

The interview embarks the reader on a journey of exploration, shedding light on the notion that happiness transcends the constraints of stereotypes. It invites you to reclaim the power to shape your unique vision of success, one that resonates with your authentic self. So, let's embark on this inspiring quest to discover happiness beyond stereotypes, where you can craft your personal definition of fulfillment.

Tech Storyteller: Tell us a bit about your background and what you do now.

Tamara M: I have a PhD in Organizational Behaviour and I am a licensed psychologist. For the last few years, I have been seeing clients in a private practice. Apart from that, I teach about leadership and organizational culture at the University of Amsterdam and other universities in the city, and sometimes I accept speaking invitations to events, such as The Revup Conference.

However, before all that I spent over 10 years in the corporate environment, working in Strategy and Merger & Acquisitions.

Tech Storyteller: This seems like a totally different direction, how come you took that path?

Tamara M: I have always had strategic thinking and at that point, I was very intentional about being successful and going as high as possible. I wanted to be close to senior leadership, learn from them, and join them in board meetings, so the roles I took gave me that opportunity. Over the years I did become very successful, yet I did not find any fulfillment in it because I felt like I had to constantly bend myself to become something that I was not. So that was the moment I reconsidered and decided to go back to what made me happy, having the confidence that success would eventually also follow.

Success is choosing your path and having the courage and enthusiasm to follow it

Tech Storyteller: What does success look to you now?

Tamara M: Success is having something to do that makes you so profoundly happy that you wake up on a Sunday morning with a big smile on your face even though you have a call with a client later on.

So, for me, success is choosing your path and having the courage and enthusiasm to follow it, not being afraid to go against the mainstream. Being a leader, having a team and P&L (Profit & Loss) responsibilities and going up the ladder doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes you have to have the courage to say no, I don't want to be a leader or work in mergers and acquisitions, and that's okay.

Tech Storyteller: Your talk at The Revup Conference was about how we can increase happiness at work. What does happiness at work mean to you specifically?

Tamara M: Happiness at work is when work allows you time, energy, and emotional health to do other things too. On top of that, you can consider yourself happy at work when you feel free inside from having to conform or fit in, from having to constantly prove something. Instead, you are allowed to be your own version at your own pace and with your own definition of happiness and success.

What sometimes happens at work, is that all standards, all rules are making us feel like there is no option, no space for being ourselves. And that is why people keep telling themselves “OK, I’m not that happy, but at least the job is stable and I make good money”. What I am trying to tell people and also show to my clients is that there are many ways to make money. You might earn a lot to have a sports car and to always fly Business class to some exotic vacations, but you will be a very unhappy person inside that sports car or during that vacation. It is really good to make a lot of money and it’s even better if the money comes easily. However, this shouldn't be your main motivator because you might end up around the age of 40-50 when the midlife crisis hits and realize that perhaps some of your choices were wrong.

All that we have or don’t have is a cause of our actions, decisions, and priorities

Tech Storyteller: How can we break free from fear? Because I assume it is fear that’s keeping us in a place where we are not happy.

Tamara M: You have to understand that if you feel like you're trapped, it is not right for you. And the key is in your pocket. You can leave the moment you decide to take out the key and open the door. The door opens only from the inside. There can be 100 psychologists, coaches, mentors, and all other kinds of people ready to help you on the other side of the door, but the door will not open unless you open it from the inside.

I believe that everything in life is a choice, we should of course be grateful for the opportunities, yet all that we have or don’t have is a cause of our actions, decisions, and priorities.

Tech Storyteller: Going back to leaders and managers, in these tough times, how can we protect ourselves against secondhand stress? I personally tend to absorb some of the feelings and emotions in the room during one-to-one discussions at work.

Tamara M: Interesting question, and I am often asked this from a different angle, my friends ask how I, as a psychologist, deal with clients who share painful things. For me, it's still difficult because I am a highly compassionate person and sometimes when the session stops after one hour, I cannot get over it. I keep thinking and I keep having ideas and I'm writing them down for next time.

However, over time I managed to build a routine around that. For instance, if I notice myself stuck in a certain scenario and I can't detach from the session, I go for a run, or I go for a walk and I listen to music or I take a shower.
What also helps is realizing this was not something that happened to me, it is not my problem. I will feel a lot of empathy and I will do whatever I can to help this person develop mechanisms for overcoming this problem. But I cannot perceive all problems as my problem. This is also a choice, I support you and I’m here for you, but I don't take it over me.

So, to answer your question, the key is to have some of your own self-regulation mechanisms to support you in supporting them.

We are grateful to Tamara for taking the time to do this interview and for being so open during the discussion. Her wisdom is of great help to everyone daring to question conventional definitions and set themselves free to create a life that reflects their individuality and authenticity.

Interviewed and written with love by

Ionela Barbuta, Tech Storyteller